The perfect daughter nobody is able to be

                I wish I could runaway to someone else’s life. I am tired of mine. Tired of trying and not getting anything.

                Today I asked mom to let me go with some friends to be volunteer in a construction, but she did not let me. She said I cannot have energy to help in a construction if I do not help at home. I still cannot believe she said something stupid like that. I know I could help more, but my mom is so tiring that there is no way for me to be the good daughter she wants. Because for her a good one is someone who cleans the house every day, do everything about cleaning, dishes and so on. I do not know, but I think she wants a maid, not a daughter. Moreover, for me to be like this, I would not study, work and etcetera. I would only work at home, to be able to satisfy her. However, I know she does not think of me, she does not care about my life. She only cares about what she thinks I suppose to do. Not what I really do.

                I do things. When I am at home, I wash the dishes, I make my bed, I clean the terrace. I do much more than people at my age with life as mine. Nevertheless, my parents do not see this. I am never good enough for them. I think nobody would be good for them. The pressure on me is very big. It is too much. It is more than I can handle.

                At a certain time, we get tired of such ingratitude. I do not hear good words. I am never praised. Just screaming and yelling. There is no how I could get will to help, even if I could.

                I do not have voice. I cannot express my own thoughts and opinions. For them, I am being rebel. It is so so disgusting.  I am not a dog. I am a person. I have to be heard. But I am not. For them I am only the small child that has to do everything they say without questioning. I am turning into an adult, perhaps still threatened as a child.

                Just because I go out, it does not mean I have freedom. It is not freedom when I get so mad about getting out that I give up trying.

                I must not talk. Just listen. I should not go out. I cannot do homework and study for tests because I have a house to clean. I must wake up when they say, sleep when they say, eat when they say. Should not think, should not try, should not question.

                Be submissive.